Things NOT to do When Picking Up Girls in Bars and Nightclubs

Picking up in bars and nightclubs is always a bit of a hit and miss. Sometimes the most charming one liner will work wonders, and other times the girl will slap you in the face and walk away. Nothing is guaranteed a 100% success rate when it comes to chicks in clubs, but there are a number of things that are guaranteed to not work.

Have you ever tried to pick up a girl by pretending that you’re not interested in her, or being so mean to her that she ended up hating you instead of thinking you’re cute? Does your idea of a good way to get a girl’s attention consist of hitting her on her butt and telling her she’s “foxy”? If so, you need to stop and take a second to rethink, rework, and remember these top 5 things not to do when picking up girls in bars and nightclubs.

1. Don’t ever swear at her.
You can swear around her, to her, and even about her when you’re with your mates the next day, but the last thing that a girl wants to hear from the guy that’s trying to hit on her is “f*** you, shut up” over and over. I once met a guy who was fairly good looking, but every time I tried to talk to him all I’d hear is “f*** you…shut up!” He did it in a playful way, but after the tenth time it got a little bit frustrating. Here’s a tip, guys: swearing should be saved for football games, complaining about your boss, and sex. Don’t bring it into the nightclub.

2. Don’t dance if you can’t.
If you’re unable to pop it, lock it, drop it with your mates, then it’s definitely not a good idea to try to pick up a girl in this way. Trying to seduce a friend with funny, lame dance moves is great; trying to seduce the girl who has never met you before with some sort of attempt at a Moonwalk is not. See the movie Hitch for a perfect example of the sort of dancing guys should never do in bars and nightclubs.

3. Don’t order her an obscene, stupid sounding drink like the Wet Pussy.
I can’t stress this enough: stop wasting your money buying her these drinks in the hopes that she will go home with you that night. Even if she does, you will have wasted a hell of a lot of money when you could have found a beautiful, not-smashed-off-her-face girl for free.

4. Don’t try to be the “cool guy”
Chicks dig guys who are real, not guys who try to wink at everyone or guys who don’t smile. The worst thing you can do when you try to pick up a girl is to make her think you’re bored of her. Smile. Smile, smile, smile, smile, smile. I can’t stress it enough. But smile normally: don’t be a guy who smiles and winks and comes off as pervy. Just be normal: we love that.

5. Don’t talk to her about other girls.
A sure-fire way to ruin your chances with a girl you’ve just met in a bar or nightclub is to tell her which girl mate of yours is hot, or which girl you currently have a crush on. Don’t tell her about everyone you’ve slept with, how many people you’ve hit on, or anything else that you wouldn’t tell a girl when you’re sober. I once met a German tourist who had obviously gotten with a lot of girls while travelling, but when I joked about it he said “let’s not talk about it.” Now that’s class.

Sure, as a joke, these things can be funny when you’re not in it for anything more than a laugh…but if you’re serious about not going home to an empty bed, they should be avoided. Smile at her, talk to her, and be yourself. While that’s the biggest cliché in the world, just remember: it’s only called a cliché because it works so often, and being a normal, likeable guy is the best cliché of all.


By Kelly Teng for Function Rooms and Brisbane Bars

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